Beers and bourbon

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Last night I went to a bar by myself for a little while. It was one of those days and I didn't feel like drinking at home. Over a couple of hours I realized how much you can learn about your life over a shot of bourbon and a couple beers. If I'm home, I dwell in my own thoughts. Wrong night for that choice.

I'll rant about all the useless stuff in the world on this blog, but I don't complain about the real stuff on here. Actual problems and whatnot. I don't find anything wrong with doing that, it's just not me. Hell, half the people I genuinely consider friends don't know about my "problems". I'll lean on people, trust me. But there aren't many people I choose to lean on and I'm a fixer, not a bitch for no reason kind of girl. So without any details, let's just was a rough day. All kinds of grown-up crap. Which leaves me at a bar, dealing with it the way I do. Think through it. Feel a little sorry for yourself for a few minutes. Move on.

A few years ago I had A LOT of these days. More sad moments than happy ones. More bar time than snuggie time. And back then, it was crippling. I let the rough days take over my life by putting on a happy face and powering through. That helped a whole lotta nothing because REAL emotion? Always catches up with you. This is truly the first time I've had to deal with anything real (personally) in a while. And I'll admit, I was more than a little nervous to see how I would handle the rough days if/when they came around again. So I drank a little. I thought about the day and what it meant. Situations where there aren't black and white answers. And you know what, I was okay. I was as honest with myself as I beg people to be with me. And it worked! I had a little bit of poor me time. I sat at that bar with the eff off look I've mastered when I'd just like a little solitude. And other than the dude that offered to give me a ride to a lesbian bar and promised to bring me back later (I wish that crap still shocked me), it was a great night.

The best part of the night was learning that the little life I've built really is as solid as I like to think it is. Most (especially the stupid) crap from my past is just that, the past. I'm finally the person I've always wanted to be. I have incredible friends that are there for me when the real stuff comes around. AND, I know without a doubt that anything I'm faced with today or in the future...I'll get through. Even if sometimes it takes a couple beers and a little bourbon.


NatalieCottrell said...

...And the healing continues tomorrow, my dear. Big hug, and cheers for knowing when to give yourself a moment. Mwah!

Gofahne said...

Yes ma'am it does. And without even knowing it, you gave me HUGE perspective yesterday by way of the internet. Cheers indeed. Til tomorrow!!

carissajaded said...

AMEN sista!! Sometimes it's good to let yourself wallow for a bit so you can realize how great life is!!

Bob said...

You know....I am always here if you need to talk and jeez....I thought from one of your earlier blogs you knew the answer....Yeeehaaw therapy baby!


Christie said...

I think that soaking up the moment, and feeling whatever mood you are in (whether it is good or bad) is the best way to get over something.
Feel sad, and then move on. Bravo lady!!

Ben said...

Growing up is the worst. I want my biggest problem to be someone else having a cooler snack for recess.

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