Hallo-waystoannoyme-ween and another useless opinion

Here at Gofahne Road, it's mostly sunshine and rainbows. I have friends with super perky names like The Eternal Optimist and Shine. BUT, am I the ONE person that can't stand this "holiday" called Halloween? I don't hate it and there are things that annoy me on a MUCH deeper level which will be blogged endlessly at some point, but basically? I am not a fan! There was a time I had great Halloweens. Having an awesome friend who got me into kick ACE Cowboy employee parties may be why everything else fails in comparison. I'd even say, at that time, I loved Halloween. But as I get older, if I had a preference I'd rather just have it be Saturday and move on to November.

So, here is my list of why Hallo-waystoannoyme-ween is not really on my "to do" list:

1 - Do women in this town REALLY need an excuse to dress MORE like sluts?
2 - Despite being mostly creative all other times, I draw COMPLETE blanks on anything fun costume wise. So I end up being an asshat pumpkin, witch, sexy (insert word here). Which makes me feel ordinary and I hate ordinary.
3 - I can't trick or treat anymore without coming across as sketchy, weird, child stalkerish. So now I'm an adult and I have to GIVE candy rather than TAKE it.
4 - Forget going to any bar to just watch football and drink beer in peace. ALL the amatuers come out to "party" and I want to cut them. Yeah dummy, I remember my first beer too . Please go home.
5 - Too many people think they are funny and they are not. Halloween? Brings out the WORST of the not funny.
6 - The dirty, dirty, dirty comments you get in even the most innocent of costumes. Seriously, I was a FULLY covered pumpkin and I heard things that would have offended the dirtiest skank whore.
7 - I've been hit on AFTER a guy puked in his hard hat (in front of me). Broken up fights where a guy came at my sweet little girl friend's head with a beer bottle. And given up MY bed for the good of the "team" while I slept in a chair at my house. These are all true accounts of Gofahne Halloweens. Refer to amteurs in list item #4.
8 - People use this holiday as an excuse, more than any other, to dress animals in clothing. Not cute. Not okay. Ever.
9 - I don't really need any excuse or further temptation to eat crap for food. I don't know of ONE healthy Halloween recipe. And I HATE wasting anything, so I'll just keep the left over candy and eat it. All.
10 - I am a wimpy, scary, fraidy cat and I spend this ENTIRE month on edge. Is someone going to jump out at me? Why do ALL my friends love haunted houses and scary movies? WHEN will it be November 1st!?
11 - I HATE crowds. Passionately.

I had a list of 10 that I really liked, but then I remembered how much I abhor (thanks Shine) crowds and had to tag the last one on in good measure.

So for all you ghoul loving, goblin chasing, scary movie watching fans....enjoy your day. I get the fun in the dress-up, but I can't say I won't be happier on Sunday!!

Happy fracking Halloween everyone :)


Christie said...

Once upon a time I enjoyed dressing up in scantily clad attire, now the more I can cover, the better!
I will say though, I like an excuse for everyone to come together and hang out.

Graygrrrl said...

It makes me so sad to read this post. The true meaning of Halloween has been lost in some ways. I personally adore this holiday, and part of that is the rich history that surrounds it. Everything we do, from passing out candy, to dressing up, to carving pumpkins; dates back to as early as 6th Century BC. It's the time to remember and honor our dead. Sure, there may be some drunk jerks out and about, but how is that different from any other Saturday?
Try to remember how you felt as a child, and surround your self with friends on this magnificent holiday. There are no bad costumes, only bashful people. Giving is always better than receiving (or so I'm told).

Butterbean said...

I COMPLETELY agree with you about the trick or treating thing. I cringe every year when I have to buy candy for those greedy little goblins. Thankfully, we've moved out to the country this year, so those little brats won't be knocking on my door! Sorry, I'm a little bitter today, hopefully your holiday gets better!

Anonymous said...

Last night I had a long conversation with one of my favorite bartenders about why I have come to dislike Halloween. Setting the fact that it is more amateur-night than New Years Eve, it is the intense sluttification that I despise the most. As a guy, I am supposed to appreciate the plethora of eye-candy. As a gentleman and a feminist(to whatever degree a man can consider himself such,) I abhor the rampant objectification even if that objectification is considered voluntary.

I do wish that I had been equipped with this list to bolster my argument.

jamibird said...

I know I am late to the party, but I HATE HATE HATE Halloween too! Thank God for Football and most UT games being night games on that weekend. I found the perfect place this year. The lake house. Where I didn't see a single person dressed up, noone rang our doorbell and I had great friends to watch the game with for a low key night!

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