Hindsight Observatory

We all know hindsight is 20/20, but I’d like to give my foresight for “next time” a little Lasik surgery. Since I’ve been sporting my singleton status for a while now, I’ve had some time to work on both. I’ve learned valuable lessons on the outskirts. When someone shows you who they are, listen. Learn when to walk away. Pick your battles. And possibly? Spend a little more time observing your relationship with a clear set of eyes.

I recently spent a whole lotta time on a plane. On my flight back from the MIA, I sat next to a married couple. They seemed pleasant. Neither “forgot” anything in their bag as soon as they sat down, both stowed their bags under their respective seats (more importantly NOT under my foot area), and everything was kept in an upright/locked position until the bing.

As we settled into the flight, I observed. If it weren’t for people watching, my life would have a LOT less meaning. Then they began to conversate* and I did my best impression of reading a magazine. All of a sudden I heard her say, “No, really. Tell me what ELSE bothers you about me.” I’m not any kind of relationship expert, but I can tell you THAT conversation wasn’t going anywhere productive.

From my I’m-not-emotionally-involved-so-I-get-to-the-play-the-impartial-third-party stoop, there was a simple solution. You’re on vacation or at the very least, you’ve been given 4 hours of uninterrupted quiet time. Take a deep breath. Think about the situation from the for a bit and determine whether this fight you so desperately need to have, right this moment, is really necessary. Then I found myself thinking, if people spent a little more time observing the situation and a little less time jumping right into epic conversations, wouldn’t we be better off in relationships? I’m great at offering this advice to someone else. I strive to do this in every friendship. But, give me a boyfriend and I pretty much kick that all too mature stoop right out from under me.

I’m ALL for talking about your issues, but you can’t take what you say back. That fight you can’t wait to have? That jab you can’t wait to take? You can’t remove any of the hurt you cause. And you certainly can’t be proud of the way you acted if you take it too far.

What I can promise you from experience is this…

There will be a day, probably not long from now, when the two of you are no longer together. No matter how hot, smart, funny, great you think you are…someone WILL eventually tire of your shiz if you’re a constant (insert derogatory word of choice here). You’ll take this moment to “stand up for yourself” and you’ll rationalize that he KNOWS the desk is “your” area, so why the H does he throw his t-shirts all over your perfect writing desk? Then a few months later you’ll sit down in a quiet apartment to write on your immaculately clean desk and you’ll realize how empty that “perfect” desk looks without his ratty t-shirts. And as you sell the desk, you’ll wish you’d just shut up about your ONE place to write. Because maybe, just maybe? In hindsight? Sitting next to him, snuggled up in your bed WAS the best and most inspiring place to write anyway.

Now, I wasn’t in a healthy relationship. The “learn when to walk away” bit was the important lesson there. But, I’d like to take what I’ve learned in past relationships and as a singleton and make my foresight match my hindsight for once. Maybe THAT is the whole point of growing up? Growing better.

*I make up my own words, a lot. It would be a good idea to embrace it :).