A little of this, and a little of that…

I heart the Osmonds for many reasons (over the top, completely unnecessary, and fabulously entertaining…then and now), but today it's for the little classic, "A Little Bit Country, A Little Bit Rock N Roll". Not just because it's cute and catchy and WILL remain in your head for a full day no matter how hard you try to get.it.out. But also because, it's me. I'm just a little of this, and a little of that. The problem? I'm ONE person, not two. I just don't know which of "me" I'm supposed to follow sometimes.

• I'd jump on a plane tomorrow and fly out of town with not one clue as to what I'd do when I got there, but I'm "celebrating" my 10 year anniversary at my job next April and I've NEVER jumped on a plane with no idea what to expect (yet).
• I SWOON at lady porn (aka: chick flicks) and all the stories of the sweet little nothings my friends get in good relationships, but I freak-out-faster-than-nascar-pit-teams-change-tires when someone does those things for me.
• I love country and LOATHE rap, but a thong song-esque beat comes on in a club and I'll shake my money maker like it's my job (and you'll wonder which of my parents LIED to me because clearly my momma was NOT white).
• I'm a Christian, but some of my CLOSEST friends do not share my beliefs and I 100% believe we are BOTH "right".
• I will GO OFF on someone that doesn't treat my friends with the utmost respect and admiration, but I don't demand the same for myself (I WILL soon enough Mr. Future boyfriend).
• I HATE pickles and tomatoes, but you hand me tomato basil soup or fried pickles with a little ranch and I.AM.YOURS. (and please don't mention that I'll eat an entire pickle at the movie theatre out of habit)
• I have a "life list" and a ridiculously detailed budget that I maintain with EQUAL passion.
• I made bullet points on a post about LIVING it up a little more.

I'd love to consider myself the best of both worlds and use pretty words like diverse, intricate, or unique. But I don't know if that's the truth. Sometimes I think we're all battling two people. The person we want to be and the person we are. Maybe that struggle is what makes for GREAT people, but there are days when it wears me the eff out. It's not just about the money (although that contributes a lot, I ENJOY paying my bills on time yo). It's also about taking the leap. Leaving what's good enough for a dream of what could be great. And when you get there? Is it great? Or does it just become the "good enough" you had before you got to what you thought would be great?

I hope this is just about spending a little more time in self discovery and finding balance. I hope one day I FINALLY let go of all the "have to" items and jump without expectation or worry into the "let's see what happens" way of life. But for now, I'm sitting with the Osmonds. Singing a catchy tune in an outfit with a little too much glitter and willing myself to give anything a shot… at least once… Maybe.