Riddle me this. Who am I? The tortoise or the Hare.

[This entry is brought to you courtesy of CD Beaver and Dixie's inspiration… as well as the letters S, T, and V]

"Hi, I'm Gofhane and I am an extremist."

"Hiiii Gofahne" (monotone and in unison).

THAT is the kind of support group I need to find with a quickness. It turns out I can't DO anything half way and I can't COMPLETE anything all the way. As you all know, I recently started the self-named NaNu NaNu Challenge. I thought I was being all creative and fancy based on my exact thoughts when Shine told me about NaNoWriMo last month. Well, I wasn't. The exact challenge I issued myself, happens this month on blogs everywhere (I'm new to this whole blog thing, so kindly hush) and it's called NaBloPoMo*. If you've kept up or called me on ALREADY not meeting my challenge, congrats/thanks/pleaseshutyourmouth. I decided to eliminate rule # 2 on the inspiration of CD Beaver and Dixie saying the ohsosmart words of, "It's your blog. If you don't like the challenge. Change it." So I did (and efficiently already crossed out rule #2 like it never happened). Now, I don't believe I can say at the end of this that I've MET the challenge I issued, but I started thinking about what changing the rules meant to me and why I set goals that I rarely, if ever, meet.

I go to extremes in everything I do. Want to lose 10pounds? Try P90x (aka: death). Want to investigate your religious beliefs? Become someone easily mistaken for a holy roller (and feel uncomfortable and fake the whole time). Start dating a guy? Take one large leap away from couple compromise into self-sacrifice (and lose yourself completely because you don't know how to do anything half way). Every single one of these things, I've done. And the result leaves me walking away feeling like a failure. In the Tortoise and the Hare story, I'm SO the Hare. I start out strong and determined… and end up asleep under the tree while the slow and steady pass me by. And? I've had it with THAT me.

I didn't gain 10 pounds (or 30) overnight. Religious beliefs aren't answered overnight and they certainly won't come because you "act like a spiritual person". And the issues that led to me "losing myself" started back on a curb when I was 11, not in the relationships of my 20's. So how in the name of all that is holy do I believe that I can turn back time overnight? Answer: YOU DON'T.

There is a reason for the T&H fable. There is a reason the old, wise little turtle looks at that immature and over confident rabbit and says, "I'll take this hare by a landslide." Back in his little hatchling days he probably said the same thing to an Oogway and got his little shell stomped. He learned when to jog, plan, and shut his mouth. He learned that HOW you get to the finish line isn't nearly as important as getting to the finish line itself (minus all that, "it's about the journey" hub bub). So today, I'm taking a page out of the Tortoise book and BEGGING the Hare in me to slow the eff down and BREATHE.

I'm going to keep challenging myself, but in MUCH smaller doses. I'd honestly like to lose 30 pounds, but let's start with a little more walking and A LOT less wine. I'd like to write more in my blog, but let's start with writing once a day or when inspired and publishing when I feel comfortable posting my thoughts. And last, let's be proud of how much I've learned in the past 5, 10, 20 years about myself and appreciate those lessons more and look at them as "failure" less.

So, tortoise or the hare? Neither. But somewhere in between the two seems like the baby bear porridge to me. Jusssssttt right!

*if you got through all of those links and you're still reading my blog, I heart you… a lot J.