The Secret to My Success

Recently LiLu started a TMI Thursday to defy all TMI Thursdays. She's doing a Post Secret style project that makes me laugh and cry every time I see the entries.

IF FOR ANY REASON YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT POST SECRET IS? CLICK ON THE POST SECRET LINK ABOVE IMMEDIATELY. It will change you.

For some reason today, the "secrets" of my blog acquaintences/friends hit me even deeper than normal. I read a secret that I know for a fact is NOT one of my dear friend's submissions, but the secret shared would be her exact words. And my heart, immediately broke.

I got to thinking about the burdens we all carry. The heartache we endure for fear (usually based in fact because of experience) of rejection or judgement. No one is perfect and everyone has mistakes they regret on a level that few people understand. But I started listening to this "universal voice" of fear, hurt, burden, and deep want for acceptance. I found myself wanting to run up to all my dear sweet friends and just hug them a little longer today. With hope that even if I may not know MANY of the burdens they carry, I could possibly transfer some of that burden on to me with one really great squeeze (or better yet, squeeze the pain and hurt into Never Never Land). I do believe there is a healing power in genuine heartfelt touch and I'd give anything to have the super power to use that little hug to heal the world.

Then? I cried a little more when I realized how damn lucky I really am. I have secrets. I carry the burden of decisions I made years, months and even weeks ago. But, I do NOT carry them alone. I do not carry them in a soul breaking silence because I've been fortunate enough to experience absolute unconditional love. And this morning I find myself in awe of these amazing people. The ones who, even when my judgement of myself made me feel like no one could love me again, made me realize that when you find a truly amazing father or a soul shaking friend...you are one lucky bish.

If I tried to do this for everyone that's ever amazed me with their friendship or love, I would NEVER stop typing. So for today I am moved by 5 specific times I shared my burdens with someone else and they quite literally brought me back to life. A thank you will never be enough, but it's the best cyber hug I can give.

Daddy - Thank you. For never passing judgement on me, the way I did on you, when I thought the world was only black and white.

Swank - Thank you. You were there the first time I ever "let it all go". You listened as I shared my deepest, darkest, and most shameful secrets. And whether you know it or not, I'm STILL amazed that after I told you everything and quite literally vomited my life mistakes to you, you looked at me through my tears and said... "So? Did you expect me not to love you?"

Cannonball - Thank you. For the moment when I felt I had no one and I thought my life was "over" and you sat in the front lawn with me and made sure I understood...It was not. And you were there.

JEM - Thank you. The pick-up truck conversation where you made me realize I wasn't all the things I was afraid I would become...and that you were proud of me for it.

TOG - Thank you. For making me cry, for making me realize the impact I've had and will have on people, and for every time you told me "I can accomplish anything I set my sights on". I don't think I could have believed that without you.

These five people AND MANY OTHERS carry a piece of my burden. They loved me unconditonally when I was sure I didn't "deserve" it. They're part of the reason I am overly positive and down right sunshine, rainbows, and cup runneth over. They ARE my silver lining. They ARE the secret to my success.

So I BEG you today, if you are carrying something on your shoulders...share your burden with someone else. Trust them to love you anyway and trust them to say, "So?" when you think they will turn and run. Because the truth is, SOME people around you will shock you. They will be the last person you want to tell and the first person to hug you when you do. I know not everyone is like this, but sometimes we are the ones sitting in judgement of them. Not the other way around. And if you don't have anyone and you NEED someone? I have an infinite amount of cyber love, real hugs, and "So?" to hand out...and I'll do it in a heartbeat if you need someone to help shoulder your burden today or any other day.