What 2009 got me to thinking…

2010 is starting in just a couple short days. How did that happen? Weren't we JUST partying like it was 1999? I have a hard time remembering how long ago that really was and I barely recognize the naïve little 19 year old girl I was when that song was popular (in real time, NOT as a throwback ya whippersnappers!).

I do remember my last New Year's Eve though. NYE 2008! I remember going to the fancy American Airlines Center, standing in the cold, watching an 80's cover band with new friends, losing my keys AND my ID even though I wasn't drunk, and sitting at IHOP around 2am thinking 2009 had a new air about it that was going to make it…magnificent.

The review? 2009 happened.

Don't get me wrong, amazing things went down. I got to know myself better, I stood up for myself in ways I never thought I would, I watched a friend get married, I watched another move away, I watched divorces and break-ups happen around me, and I made/grew a few friendships that I'm not completely sure how I made it to 2009 without cultivating earlier.

But as I was eating my pasta with healthy alfredo sauce (yeah, you heard me..it's DELICIOUS) in my pj's last night, I realized the year wasn't "magnificent". It was peppered with a whole lot of great and may be the foundation for some yet to be seen OHMYGODCANYOUBELIEVETHATYEARHAPPENED ahead in 2010, but if it's not…I'm content.

Something about that word, content, always gets me to thinking. It seems like settling. Like the fact that all I mentioned was "2009 happened" is some sort of defeat. Questions arise like: Did I not smell the roses enough or put myself out there enough or change the world? It doesn't mean that to me at all anymore. Somehow out of the wreckage of the last few years, I had this really great year of completely content. Maybe that is what getting a little older (am I being too brave by saying wiser?) is about anyway. Contentment is the thing I'm constantly amazed by when looking at my grandparents. They have this ability to live year after year completely content with their lives and a collection of new memories. It doesn't take a major event to define them. The simplicity is beautiful.

On Christmas Eve I sat in my little apartment curled up with holiday movies. Christmas day, after watching the ADORB nephews and niece open their gifts, I had a blast watching movies and drinking heavily and playing WII cheer with OOWD, Shine, and Pretty Bitch. I didn't feel like my day was less because it wasn't some traditional life I thought I'd be living a year ago. That day, this year…my life finally fits me. Like a comfy sweatshirt or the PERFECT T-shirt you've finally worn enough times it just hugs your body when you slip into it or a Snuggie!

I'd love to think somehow I gained immeasurable wisdom in this last year, but I'd venture to guess I did not. I think the more we try to define our lives by grand events or milestones, the more disappointed we become. So without disappointment, I say 2009 happened. And without expectation, I'll welcome 2010 in downtown big D again with different perspective. I'll consider myself lucky if I get to say at the end of next year, 2010 happened and it was a good one…again!

Happy New Year!

 

What this ‘little’ blog thing is all about…

There are plenty of jokes about this "little" blog thing many of us write. I'm lucky to have friends that not only accept it, but push me to write more even when I think my writing can be crap. Today, I got a little reminder of why I started writing at all a few months ago and what this blog community means to so many of us. I don't know the young lady who wrote the post below, but I care about her. I've come across her posts from time to time. Today I was sent back to her site through other blog posts of e-friends I don't know well either, but it all connects. We all connect. Our suffering, our happiness, our laughs and our tears (whether they are on a blog or in the real world)…connect us. Sometimes we just need a little optimism. A thought that says we WILL make it through whatever "this" is and we will be okay on the other side. Some days I need the support, other days my friends do, and today it's a friend I've never met.

Please read her post below and lift up whatever thoughts or prayers you're willing to offer. If you know anything about what she is going through, the link to her blog will connect you to her in a click.

This is what this "little" world is all about. These amazing people put out their laughs and tears, in writing for the whole world to see, with courage. I hope you will read this and hug someone a little tighter today.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

My name is brandy. And I have a blog.

And a plea.

I use my blog to showcase the crazy I meet everyday, share the stories of the kids I teach and document my love for tequila, dairy products and the abdominal muscles of Ryan Reynolds. Rarely do I talk about personal issues on my blog- as personal as the dude that I adore (who I actually met through my blog- single ladies, let that be a very good reason to blog, the possibility of meeting someone as wonderful as my man), but I need your help. And it involves my dude.

He's a guy who made math comics for my class, so they would love learning about addition. He's the kinda guy who sends my friends gift cards when they are having hard times, who remembers every story I ever told him, who was the first person I celebrated with when I got a teaching job. He's the guy who sent flowers to me at school- dozens of my favourite pink roses just because he loves me. He's a guy who has spent a year patiently explaining (and re-explaining) everything there is to know about football during the important games when silence is preferred. He's made me word puzzles and comics and stayed up late playing Scrabble with me (even though I beat him almost every time). He's listened to me cry about school and family and jobs. He is everything I never knew I needed and everything I always knew I wanted.

The holidays have hit us hard. He's recently been told he may have something called multiple myeloma- an incurable cancer, that gives a person an average of five years of continued life. Though this news has came as a shock, he continues to be exactly who has always been- spending his time worrying about me, rather than worrying about himself. He's the most selfless individual I know- (he stayed late on Christmas Eve to work, so his co-workers could leave early) and a post like this would never be something that he would promote or encourage but when I'm overwhelmed and feeling helpless, the blogging community has always given me tremendous support and comfort, two things I desperately need at this time.

As I write this, the future is uncertain and we aren't sure what's happening. He'll need to see an oncologist soon, to verify what's going on in his body. My hope is that everyone who reads this think positive thoughts and if you are a person who prays, could you add him to your list? (You can refer to him as 'brandy's hot awesome dude'). If you don't pray, please keep him in your heart. This cancer is only a possibility and I believe that the prayers and positive thoughts of people can make sure it never becomes a reality.

I want to give a big thank you to the blog owner who scraped their original blog plans and graciously put this up. My goal is to get as many people as possible to see and read this post. If you are reading this and want to help, copy and paste my plea into your blog or send a link through twitter, so more people can keep him in their thoughts. I would be so very grateful (even more grateful than I am to my friend who first showed me the picture of Ryan Reynolds on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. If you haven't seen it, google it. You. Are. Welcome).

I realize this all sounds dramatic, a Lifetime movie in the making- but this is life. Right now. And I'm throwing away any hint of ego and am humbly asking for you to pray or think kind thoughts. If you are able to pass this on, thank you and if you know anything regarding MM- please email me (my email is on my blog). This isn't a call for sympathy or a plea for pity. It's just one girl hoping you can think positive thoughts for the person she adores. If my current heartache provides you with anything, let it be with the reminder that life is short, love is unbending and no one knows what could happen next. Maybe it is silly, but I really do believe that positive thoughts can make a huge difference. Thank you for reading this and if you haven't already? Please tell someone you love them today.

I did.

A new layout, Nora Ephron nailing it, and finding inspiration in the strangest places.

If this is your first visit, welcome. Where the heck have you been? If not, maybe you noticed a change or twelve around here. I found a new layout I love (coffee and swirly décor? What's not to like!), even if there is a giant life sized pen. I decided a new layout needed a few refreshed perks, so I went all go-go gadget on my page and here's the new look. However, almost everything I do has a reason behind it. And sometimes it even makes sense! Last night, it was Nora Ephron.

I was watching an interview with Nora Ephron last night. She made this little side comment, "everything is copy*" and I ever so eloquently said, "huh?" As she explained I suddenly realized, she nailed it! Me. In three little words, she described how I think about almost everything. This (whatever your "this" is) all seems terrible right now, but someday it will make a very funny story. Not everyone thinks that way. I won't claim that it's always easy, but I can tell you it makes life easier. It's how I keep a positive attitude when I just shouldn't and how I can laugh the day after I get a pork chop rubbed on me. Because all this mess right now? It will pass. Time will heal. You will laugh again. Sometimes you'll get to laugh tomorrow and sometimes it will take much longer, but it will all be okay. The story telling part of those little words isn't for everyone. Natalie, Shine, and I have chatted about this many times over IM (or wine, or beer, or dancing). We all think in stories. Not that I know what that means or if it's even abnormal, but I never think "I went on this date and it didn't go well". I catalogue every detail. I sit back and watch, almost from an outside perspective. Words are my pictures, my memories, and my comfort when everything else seems to be falling apart.

So that's why I write this little blog. These stories are little insights into my world. It's the copy of my life. Thank you for reading these rambles and rants. Thank you for helping me remember that one day, this will all make for a great laugh. It makes the tears, the heart ache, and the randomness of it all seem so much more tolerable.

Until last night, I didn't have a drop of inspiration. Literally, nothing. I couldn't create a funny or creative line in my head for days. Then I popped in a DVD, watched the special features, and found a few little words that perked this little road I'm on right up. Thanks again Nora! So my point… yes, there IS a point. Open your eyes whenever you can and find the laughter going on around you. It's there no matter what you're going through or how crazy your life seems. Just take a minute to step back and see it, you might just find yourself... inspired.

*You can watch/read her explanation here. Who doesn't love an 80's flashback? Oh, the hair.

30 improvements before the big 3-0!

We've (me and the mouse in my pocket) covered this, but I am an extremist. I'm trying VERY hard to keep it in check, with the constant yelling help of a few great friends. However, to accomplish anything in my life… I need goals. I was a competitive ice skater for most of my life and working towards no "end" goal makes little sense to me. I admire those that can. I'm just not one of them. Goals, lists, and future accomplishments make me a very, very happy lady. The problem? I always set unrealistic goals that lead to failure. Lately I've read and discussed, ad nauseum, the benefits of small attainable goals in any life change. I've never set small goals because I don't see them as accomplishments. Also, I haven't had much success with change. These two things could be related, no. So last night, little miss Capricorn took control. A controlling Capricorn. Shocker. That ain't news no more.

You should also know, I'm a numbers GEEK. If I can get numbers to mold to my goals, we reached a version of nirvana in my little world.

Last night's internal dialogue:

"Gofahne, get a grip. You've already accomplished a lot in a short couple of weeks. How do you keep this going and NOT freak the eff out? Lifestyle change woman, lifestyle. NOT quick fix. You're about to be 29, so what if you took the next year to improve your life health wise? I like it! I've already made 6 small changes in the past couple of weeks, I'll list those (because who doesn't love to start a list with things ALREADY checked off?). That leaves 24 more. There are 55 weeks until I'm 30, minus the two Christmas weeks, one more TG week next year, and the week of my 29^th birthday (because let's be real, I'm not doing ANYTHING healthy on those weeks) = 51 weeks. 51? Not prime, divisible by three, perfection. So for 17 of the remaining goals, I'll make one small change every 3 weeks (just enough time to create a habit – tell me this wasn't destiny). Each change will build on the other changes. Then that leaves me with 7 slightly bigger goals. What's a list without overall goals as well? Voila! You have the Gofahne list of 30 improvements before the big 3-0!!*"

I was planning to keep all of this to myself, but my awesome co-worker suggested posting my little list would make people laugh, possibly inspire, and be a super fun blog. Not a bad thought. So here it is… the starting list. Every time I make a new goal, I'll update the list and notate the accomplishment before it. Then we'll see where I end up in a year. Anyone else excited? No? Just me? That will work!

1. Eat GH healthy soup a few times a week – habit formed 11/27
   
2. Move my butt more – habit formed 11/27
   
3. Drink more water – habit formed 11/27
   
4. No alcohol for two weeks until Shine's birthday fiesta! - had 2.5 glasses of wine during the two week period (full disclosure: in one evening); good enough for me as of 12/10
5. Workout 30 minutes a day, 3 times a week – started 11/30, goal date 12/12
   
6. Bring my lunch to work 4/5 days during the week – started 11/30, goal date 12/12
   
7. Add some form of resistance or non-cardio training into workouts, 3 times per week – started 12/13, goal date 01/16  

    23. Dec 5th, 2010- Dec 31st goal – TBD
   
    24-26. (3) other overall health improvement goals
    27. Complete P90X at some point throughout the year
    28. Complete a 10k run
    29. Lose 30 pounds by the big 3-0
    30. Wear "the" jeans on my 30^th birthday

"The" jeans are my happy jeans. Every girl has them tucked away in her closet. So I thought… great 30^th birthday present to myself!

Enjoy a laugh or twelve about my crazy and then "look forward" to my little journey over the next year. I am! I've left plenty of room for more time if a habit proves harder to form than just three weeks allows and I'm excited about what I could learn from this!

Anything you've wanted to change about you that a crazy fun list might help?

*Seriously, spend a day in my head and you'd be exhausted.

It’s time for a rant…

Alright, we've passed it. The time where we are all supposed to be thankful and happy and grateful and here is my giant Bah-hum-bug before we loop back around to Christmas and I sound ungrateful. I HEART Thanksgiving, but a "I'm so thankful for the world" seemed more than fake this year. Thus a perfectly timed rant to end my failed revamped NaNu NaNu Challenge is most definitely necessary.

Fussing. Please kindly QUIT.

My family is wonderful. I'd never say another word beyond that if they weren't also HOLY annoying with the fussing. The caring, I get it. The wanting everyone to be happy, I get it. But, they're also the fussiest group of people I've.Ever.Met. Now, I'm aware of my shortcomings. If I forget, I assure you my friends will remind me quickly. I am stubborn and over-the-top independent. I don't like things to be done for me because I actually ENJOY doing them on my own. If I really don't want to get up and get a napkin, I have NO problem asking someone to get it for me (kindly). This goes against everything my family does. Here is the exchange on Thanksgiving between me, my aunt, and my mom**:

Aunt: "Honey, did you get what you wanted to drink?"
Me: "Yep, Crown poured and tasty. Thank you."
Mom: "Are you sure you don't want some water?"
Me: "Yep."
Aunt: "Why didn't you get any turkey with your food?"
Me: "I say this every year, but turkey just gets in the way of the casseroles. I'm pretty sure I have enough here to feed a large army. I'm good."
Aunt: "Are you sure?"
Me: "Let's just do this and save some time. My legs function perfectly fine. My butt could use the extra ten steps to the kitchen if I need anything. So why don't we just assume that IF I need something, I'll be happy to get it. Okay?"
Aunt, Mom: "Hahahaha (in the most passive aggressive manner possible*). Okay."

Multiply that conversation by the 8 people they're checking on all day and the 24 hours I spent at the house… and you have the Thanksgiving equation that makes me want to tear every hair from head one-by-one. It was a beautiful holiday and being loved is not something to complain about, but when you choose to force feed it to me? I have the right to vomit. Or throw a temper tantrum. Or force a blog on my unsuspecting readers out of nowhere. Also, my family knows me. I've never hidden my personality. They know I have no issue sharing my opinion. Do they really believe that if I was offended by no water or pissed that I forgot my meat that I wouldn't pipe up? Me thinks not.

So to my incredible aunt, my awesome mom, the nagging girlfriends of the world, and the woman I saw at the airport WIPING her husband's mouth with a napkin… He/she/it is a grown ass man/woman/thing. LET THEM BE! And the first time you hear me complain about someone not asking me if I'm okay or how I feel? Feel free to slap the shiz out of me immediately.

*Don't even get me started on my lack of tolerance for passive-aggressive behavior.
**Thank you GG. Chill out smart man.

A little of this, and a little of that…

I heart the Osmonds for many reasons (over the top, completely unnecessary, and fabulously entertaining…then and now), but today it's for the little classic, "A Little Bit Country, A Little Bit Rock N Roll". Not just because it's cute and catchy and WILL remain in your head for a full day no matter how hard you try to get.it.out. But also because, it's me. I'm just a little of this, and a little of that. The problem? I'm ONE person, not two. I just don't know which of "me" I'm supposed to follow sometimes.

• I'd jump on a plane tomorrow and fly out of town with not one clue as to what I'd do when I got there, but I'm "celebrating" my 10 year anniversary at my job next April and I've NEVER jumped on a plane with no idea what to expect (yet).
• I SWOON at lady porn (aka: chick flicks) and all the stories of the sweet little nothings my friends get in good relationships, but I freak-out-faster-than-nascar-pit-teams-change-tires when someone does those things for me.
• I love country and LOATHE rap, but a thong song-esque beat comes on in a club and I'll shake my money maker like it's my job (and you'll wonder which of my parents LIED to me because clearly my momma was NOT white).
• I'm a Christian, but some of my CLOSEST friends do not share my beliefs and I 100% believe we are BOTH "right".
• I will GO OFF on someone that doesn't treat my friends with the utmost respect and admiration, but I don't demand the same for myself (I WILL soon enough Mr. Future boyfriend).
• I HATE pickles and tomatoes, but you hand me tomato basil soup or fried pickles with a little ranch and I.AM.YOURS. (and please don't mention that I'll eat an entire pickle at the movie theatre out of habit)
• I have a "life list" and a ridiculously detailed budget that I maintain with EQUAL passion.
• I made bullet points on a post about LIVING it up a little more.

I'd love to consider myself the best of both worlds and use pretty words like diverse, intricate, or unique. But I don't know if that's the truth. Sometimes I think we're all battling two people. The person we want to be and the person we are. Maybe that struggle is what makes for GREAT people, but there are days when it wears me the eff out. It's not just about the money (although that contributes a lot, I ENJOY paying my bills on time yo). It's also about taking the leap. Leaving what's good enough for a dream of what could be great. And when you get there? Is it great? Or does it just become the "good enough" you had before you got to what you thought would be great?

I hope this is just about spending a little more time in self discovery and finding balance. I hope one day I FINALLY let go of all the "have to" items and jump without expectation or worry into the "let's see what happens" way of life. But for now, I'm sitting with the Osmonds. Singing a catchy tune in an outfit with a little too much glitter and willing myself to give anything a shot… at least once… Maybe.

Riddle me this. Who am I? The tortoise or the Hare.

[This entry is brought to you courtesy of CD Beaver and Dixie's inspiration… as well as the letters S, T, and V]

"Hi, I'm Gofhane and I am an extremist."

"Hiiii Gofahne" (monotone and in unison).

THAT is the kind of support group I need to find with a quickness. It turns out I can't DO anything half way and I can't COMPLETE anything all the way. As you all know, I recently started the self-named NaNu NaNu Challenge. I thought I was being all creative and fancy based on my exact thoughts when Shine told me about NaNoWriMo last month. Well, I wasn't. The exact challenge I issued myself, happens this month on blogs everywhere (I'm new to this whole blog thing, so kindly hush) and it's called NaBloPoMo*. If you've kept up or called me on ALREADY not meeting my challenge, congrats/thanks/pleaseshutyourmouth. I decided to eliminate rule # 2 on the inspiration of CD Beaver and Dixie saying the ohsosmart words of, "It's your blog. If you don't like the challenge. Change it." So I did (and efficiently already crossed out rule #2 like it never happened). Now, I don't believe I can say at the end of this that I've MET the challenge I issued, but I started thinking about what changing the rules meant to me and why I set goals that I rarely, if ever, meet.

I go to extremes in everything I do. Want to lose 10pounds? Try P90x (aka: death). Want to investigate your religious beliefs? Become someone easily mistaken for a holy roller (and feel uncomfortable and fake the whole time). Start dating a guy? Take one large leap away from couple compromise into self-sacrifice (and lose yourself completely because you don't know how to do anything half way). Every single one of these things, I've done. And the result leaves me walking away feeling like a failure. In the Tortoise and the Hare story, I'm SO the Hare. I start out strong and determined… and end up asleep under the tree while the slow and steady pass me by. And? I've had it with THAT me.

I didn't gain 10 pounds (or 30) overnight. Religious beliefs aren't answered overnight and they certainly won't come because you "act like a spiritual person". And the issues that led to me "losing myself" started back on a curb when I was 11, not in the relationships of my 20's. So how in the name of all that is holy do I believe that I can turn back time overnight? Answer: YOU DON'T.

There is a reason for the T&H fable. There is a reason the old, wise little turtle looks at that immature and over confident rabbit and says, "I'll take this hare by a landslide." Back in his little hatchling days he probably said the same thing to an Oogway and got his little shell stomped. He learned when to jog, plan, and shut his mouth. He learned that HOW you get to the finish line isn't nearly as important as getting to the finish line itself (minus all that, "it's about the journey" hub bub). So today, I'm taking a page out of the Tortoise book and BEGGING the Hare in me to slow the eff down and BREATHE.

I'm going to keep challenging myself, but in MUCH smaller doses. I'd honestly like to lose 30 pounds, but let's start with a little more walking and A LOT less wine. I'd like to write more in my blog, but let's start with writing once a day or when inspired and publishing when I feel comfortable posting my thoughts. And last, let's be proud of how much I've learned in the past 5, 10, 20 years about myself and appreciate those lessons more and look at them as "failure" less.

So, tortoise or the hare? Neither. But somewhere in between the two seems like the baby bear porridge to me. Jusssssttt right!

*if you got through all of those links and you're still reading my blog, I heart you… a lot J.

Bobisms - Volume One - Yeehaw Therapy!

I was raised by a Bob. Lately more than ever, I’ve come to appreciate our relationship. I have a dad that still calls me sunshine every time we talk, takes me to the airport at the crack of dawn (and doesn’t get mad when I realize I’ve had him take me to DFW when I should be at LUV), and makes me laugh through anything.

Now that the, “I have a great dad” speech is over. We can get to the good stuff. The fun stuff. The crazy stories that I’m almost positive NO OTHER person has ever experienced. These are the Bob-isms I will never forget.

Sit back, strap on your sense of humor, and enjoy!

Yeehaw therapy…

You heard me right. That’s the name of it. Yes, I’m from Texas. But Dallas (the city) is not the TV show. I don’t have horses or cows. I don’t live on or near anything like Southfork Ranch and I wouldn’t know the first thing about farm life. Also, yeehaw and y’all are NOT a part of normal vocabulary ‘round these parts. UNLESS you were raised by Bob.

Bob Disclaimer: I NEVER tell the story right according to my dad. How two people so similar can look at the same story and walk away with entirely different perspectives, I will never understand. BUT, whatever you read about my dad here…take it as one sided as it comes. It’s my perspective. I’m a GREAT story teller and I’ve never let the truth get in the way of a good story (one of my new favorite quotes).

So, when I hit my pre-teen/early teen years, I was a little…ummm, difficult. My parents divorced when I was 11 and I decided being an asshat was my God given right. Plus, we’re all awkward and pissed off at that age, aren’t we? No? Okay just me.

My dad and I debated A LOT during this “pleasant” time. I didn’t seem to comprehend the “as long as you live under my roof you’ll live by my rules” speech. So when he’d pull out that little gem, I’d pout. Arms crossed, I’m not eating, I’m just going to be miserable pout. My dad doesn’t do miserable. EVER. The man would sing to you at 6am with a Bob sandwich (everything is a Bob “something”) in hand. So, bitchyness attitude was not an option. Any parent can tell you to snap out of it. Tell you to stop acting like a witch or ground you. My dad? NOT SO MUCH.

He has this theory that NO ONE can be mad if they scream “Yeehaw from the depths of their soul”. Direct quote. So after we’d talk out the issue and I told him I was fine (he MADE me talk until I caved, it didn’t matter if it took until 4am), I had to step out on the front porch and let out a deep soul shaking Yeehaw. As you can imagine, for a teenager IN the awkward stage, this was MORTIFYING. I did all I could to stay quiet. The less awkward I tried to make this, the LOUDER he would yell. He had to show me how it was done (AND embarrass the holy hell out of me). Until I would finally give up and yell at the top of my lungs while everyone and their dog rolled over laughing at me. The worst part? He was right. You can NOT go through something like that without laughing. You stop caring what anyone thinks and you get over yourself.

So when people can’t figure out how I laugh so many things off, how I keep a bright attitude when it doesn’t make any sense, or how I can make a COMPLETE fool of myself and not care… THIS is how. How do you EVER take life too seriously with a dad like that around?

YEEEEEHAAAAAW!!!

They aren't my words, but they're good ones!

In my short time writing in this fun little blog world of awesomeness, I've learned a couple things.

1) Don't try to write a masterpiece. Sit down, use what inspires you, and just write anything. Most of it will be crap, but sometimes you'll write a little something you're proud to call your own.
2) Know when to write, know when to link, and know when you could never write anything better than someone else wrote it first.

This brings me to my LOVE of quotes. I'm verbose (understatement of the year) and the fact that anyone can make such an strong point using so few words has always intrigued me. Today, I'm sharing some of my favorites. You've probably heard many of them or they may be exactly what you need to hear at this moment. Either way, they are certainly better than anything I could have come up with on my own.

So enjoy the brilliance of others in my absence of creativity today...

"And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh." - Friedrich Nietzsche

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." - John 15:13

"Experience is priceless...too bad you have to pay for it with your youth." - Steve Harvey

"No problem, no matter the size, cannot be solved by the careful application of high explosives... Or a good nights sleep." - unknown

"Life is not about avoiding the storms, but learning to dance in the rain." - unknown

"Be the change you want to see in the world." - Gandhi

"It's never too late to be who you might have been." - George Eliot

"The face is the mirror of the mind, and eyes without speaking confess the secrets of the heart." -Saint Jerome

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us." - Marianne Williamson

“Be Who You Are and Say What You Feel Because Those Who Mind Don't Matter and Those Who Matter Don't Mind.” - Dr. Seuss

""Do not complain about that which you permit." - unknown, from Shine (but wow!)

"I never said every post of The NanuNanu Challenge would be original and enlightening :)." - Gofahne  

The Secret to My Success

Recently LiLu started a TMI Thursday to defy all TMI Thursdays. She's doing a Post Secret style project that makes me laugh and cry every time I see the entries.

IF FOR ANY REASON YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT POST SECRET IS? CLICK ON THE POST SECRET LINK ABOVE IMMEDIATELY. It will change you.

For some reason today, the "secrets" of my blog acquaintences/friends hit me even deeper than normal. I read a secret that I know for a fact is NOT one of my dear friend's submissions, but the secret shared would be her exact words. And my heart, immediately broke.

I got to thinking about the burdens we all carry. The heartache we endure for fear (usually based in fact because of experience) of rejection or judgement. No one is perfect and everyone has mistakes they regret on a level that few people understand. But I started listening to this "universal voice" of fear, hurt, burden, and deep want for acceptance. I found myself wanting to run up to all my dear sweet friends and just hug them a little longer today. With hope that even if I may not know MANY of the burdens they carry, I could possibly transfer some of that burden on to me with one really great squeeze (or better yet, squeeze the pain and hurt into Never Never Land). I do believe there is a healing power in genuine heartfelt touch and I'd give anything to have the super power to use that little hug to heal the world.

Then? I cried a little more when I realized how damn lucky I really am. I have secrets. I carry the burden of decisions I made years, months and even weeks ago. But, I do NOT carry them alone. I do not carry them in a soul breaking silence because I've been fortunate enough to experience absolute unconditional love. And this morning I find myself in awe of these amazing people. The ones who, even when my judgement of myself made me feel like no one could love me again, made me realize that when you find a truly amazing father or a soul shaking friend...you are one lucky bish.

If I tried to do this for everyone that's ever amazed me with their friendship or love, I would NEVER stop typing. So for today I am moved by 5 specific times I shared my burdens with someone else and they quite literally brought me back to life. A thank you will never be enough, but it's the best cyber hug I can give.

Daddy - Thank you. For never passing judgement on me, the way I did on you, when I thought the world was only black and white.

Swank - Thank you. You were there the first time I ever "let it all go". You listened as I shared my deepest, darkest, and most shameful secrets. And whether you know it or not, I'm STILL amazed that after I told you everything and quite literally vomited my life mistakes to you, you looked at me through my tears and said... "So? Did you expect me not to love you?"

Cannonball - Thank you. For the moment when I felt I had no one and I thought my life was "over" and you sat in the front lawn with me and made sure I understood...It was not. And you were there.

JEM - Thank you. The pick-up truck conversation where you made me realize I wasn't all the things I was afraid I would become...and that you were proud of me for it.

TOG - Thank you. For making me cry, for making me realize the impact I've had and will have on people, and for every time you told me "I can accomplish anything I set my sights on". I don't think I could have believed that without you.

These five people AND MANY OTHERS carry a piece of my burden. They loved me unconditonally when I was sure I didn't "deserve" it. They're part of the reason I am overly positive and down right sunshine, rainbows, and cup runneth over. They ARE my silver lining. They ARE the secret to my success.

So I BEG you today, if you are carrying something on your shoulders...share your burden with someone else. Trust them to love you anyway and trust them to say, "So?" when you think they will turn and run. Because the truth is, SOME people around you will shock you. They will be the last person you want to tell and the first person to hug you when you do. I know not everyone is like this, but sometimes we are the ones sitting in judgement of them. Not the other way around. And if you don't have anyone and you NEED someone? I have an infinite amount of cyber love, real hugs, and "So?" to hand out...and I'll do it in a heartbeat if you need someone to help shoulder your burden today or any other day.

Tuesday was like a box of chocolates

I am a planner. If you've known me for five minutes, you're all too aware of this. It's how I roll. However, I've found a mix of overly planned AND sometimes random to be the perfect combination lately. Keeping specific dates or days of the week open to "whatever happens" or (gasp) just to relax.

Yesterday was one of those days. Dreamer and I made plans to meet for java, so I found a cute little coffee house for us to try. It's one of my new goals to be all adventurous and try new places in my city. Y'know, since I've lived here my whole life and all. Plus, I'm almost 30...I'm supposed to be all cultured and shiz. And when a tourist asks me for the best place to grab a cup of joe or where to take pole dancing classes? I'll be their guide. ANYway... we made plans to catch up and chat with all signs pointing toward heading home early. Thankfully the second half of that plan didn't happen quite as early as we planned.

Bascially we would start a conversation about something randomly awesome and the conversation would lead to a, "we should do this" scenario. You do NOT mess with the mojo of random when magic is happening people. So we went from a coffee house to a local bar and played checkers (I use the term "play" loosely as I don't think we made it past 7 moves). Then we took this random Tuesday to a whole new level. The Rockstar Karaoke level. At another bar across town mind you, I didn't say awesome was easy!

Life List # 70? You have officially been crossed the H off!! Now, I'm not exactly a shy person. I have moments where I have to stop being a little chicken crap, but for the most part... if it needs to get done, I'll do it (aside from anything dealing with a boy I like, as I turn into a bumbling one-line fool). Especially when some ace-hole says, "It's scary-okie again. No one has the guts to go first". Cue Gofahne promptly moving her pen from slot 3 to slot 1. Props from random stranger man for having more balls than him? Check. Funny feeling of horror sweeping over me? Check, check. The band (incredible!) performed one song as a mic check. Yeah, thanks guys. Couldn't you please mess up just a little so I don't look like a fool and a half when I get up on stage? No? Alright then! I took the stage with all the fake confidence I could muster and the result of my poorly chosen challenge was FANTASTIC! For about 3 minutes of a shortened "Don't Stop Believin", I OWNED that stage. Even if the two drunks chicks "exploring" their sexuality and my sweet Dreamer were the only ones yelling and dancing. It was a party of 4 and we were rockin!!

It was Tuesday, so why not! I take a lot of pride that my friends love going out with me because you "never know what might happen". Life is just too damn short to live any other way.

Solid new Gofahne advice: Plan to be random!! It's like "Born to be Wild" for the responsibles!

A Modern Day Fairytale

A few months ago, I’d just sat down at work with my morning OJ when the following IM gem made its way across the cyber world and into my heart.

MDF: i farted in my sleep last night, it woke him up :)

Me: i just spit out orange juice

MDF: lol, sawry

Me: you are forgiven, I am so sorry, but it happens

Me: remember the scene with Robin Williams in Good Will hunting? About his wife farting in her sleep?

MDF: yes, but i’m not in a movie, and it was loud!

After My Dear Friend (MDF) and I stopped laughing hysterically, I decided I would like to meet whoever invented the “fairytale”… and punch them squarely in the face.

As little girls, we’re read the stories of Prince Charming and Frog Princes. We’re led to believe that some man will ride in on a white horse, adore us and our perfectly kempt hair enough to find us in a glass box in the forest, or even fight the most epic battles to win our love. Never once did I read, “the handsome prince let her know when she awoke him with a fart”. Clearly Mr. or Mrs. Fairytale writer didn’t know about the importance of TMI Thursdays.

So how would one write the modern day fairytale? Would anyone go on a date? Would courting even exist? Or has feminism, equality, and laziness given us the idea that the woman (or the man for that matter) doesn’t deserve any of the hocus pocus?

I think the modern fairytale would have a perfect mix of reality and fantasy. Something like:

The lady walked into a bar. Her confidence and class was missed by everyone but him, the Gentlemen Jack. The little black dress she donned, the extra detailed way her lips were lined, and the walk. He missed nothing. As she ordered her drink, Johnny Walker Black with a splash, he knew he had to talk to her. He walked toward her and offered his hand in introduction. A strong handshake with a simple, “they call me Jack”. She responded with a smile, “they call me Gofahne”. A spark ignites. Familiarity with a dash of excitement. She’s intelligent, he’s confident. She’s a blended scotch, he’s a single malt. He listens when she speaks and she leans ever so slightly toward him. As she sipped the last of her glass, he asked her if she’d accept another as a trade for a little more of her time. She accepted. Minutes turned to hours, hours turned to days, and days turned into a lifetime. Friends first and companions second. Somehow all of their quirks fit together like pieces of a puzzle. She made him crazy with her inability to just “let go”, but he loved the way her hair fell across her face as she slept and she was forced to stop trying so hard . He drove her mad with his disorganization, but always kept his word to her. And after a lifetime of highs and lows, expanding and shrinking waist lines, and a love that started many years ago, she’d often find herself wondering if her glass slipper? Might just have been a highball glass.

The NaNu NaNu Challenge

For those that don’t know, November is National Novel Writing Month (NaNuWriMo). Since it took me about two months to write my first post and another month to write my second post, I don’t think I’m quite ready to write 50,000 words in 30 days. However, I have decided to challenge myself to write more.

November is going to be the NaNuNaNu challenge here on Gofahne Road. It doesn’t stand for anything. It just so happens that every time Shine told me about NaNoWriMo, I couldn’t understand what it was or what she was rambling. So I thought of Mork, renamed it NaNuNaNu, and then decided to make it the name of my own personal challenge.

Here are the rules (you know, for accountability and ragging if I don’t make it):

1 – I can’t write the entry more than 2 days in advance of the publish date.

2 – I have to post one entry per day for 30 days.

3 – I have to write a minimum of 167 words per day (10% of NaNoWriMo and basically because I needed a small number I could commit to writing on the days when I have absolutely NO creativity).

4 – I have to write something, anything every day.

5 – Hopefully I will learn something or be able to laugh about something by the end of this little experiment.

Who knows if anything will change after I complete this little challenge, but at the very least I will have more experience writing and my friends can stop telling me I don’t post enough (fine they’re right, but still). The only way to assure nothing will change is to do nothing. So, wish me luck and I’m off to ramble write!

Hallo-waystoannoyme-ween and another useless opinion

Here at Gofahne Road, it's mostly sunshine and rainbows. I have friends with super perky names like The Eternal Optimist and Shine. BUT, am I the ONE person that can't stand this "holiday" called Halloween? I don't hate it and there are things that annoy me on a MUCH deeper level which will be blogged endlessly at some point, but basically? I am not a fan! There was a time I had great Halloweens. Having an awesome friend who got me into kick ACE Cowboy employee parties may be why everything else fails in comparison. I'd even say, at that time, I loved Halloween. But as I get older, if I had a preference I'd rather just have it be Saturday and move on to November.

So, here is my list of why Hallo-waystoannoyme-ween is not really on my "to do" list:

1 - Do women in this town REALLY need an excuse to dress MORE like sluts?
2 - Despite being mostly creative all other times, I draw COMPLETE blanks on anything fun costume wise. So I end up being an asshat pumpkin, witch, sexy (insert word here). Which makes me feel ordinary and I hate ordinary.
3 - I can't trick or treat anymore without coming across as sketchy, weird, child stalkerish. So now I'm an adult and I have to GIVE candy rather than TAKE it.
4 - Forget going to any bar to just watch football and drink beer in peace. ALL the amatuers come out to "party" and I want to cut them. Yeah dummy, I remember my first beer too . Please go home.
5 - Too many people think they are funny and they are not. Halloween? Brings out the WORST of the not funny.
6 - The dirty, dirty, dirty comments you get in even the most innocent of costumes. Seriously, I was a FULLY covered pumpkin and I heard things that would have offended the dirtiest skank whore.
7 - I've been hit on AFTER a guy puked in his hard hat (in front of me). Broken up fights where a guy came at my sweet little girl friend's head with a beer bottle. And given up MY bed for the good of the "team" while I slept in a chair at my house. These are all true accounts of Gofahne Halloweens. Refer to amteurs in list item #4.
8 - People use this holiday as an excuse, more than any other, to dress animals in clothing. Not cute. Not okay. Ever.
9 - I don't really need any excuse or further temptation to eat crap for food. I don't know of ONE healthy Halloween recipe. And I HATE wasting anything, so I'll just keep the left over candy and eat it. All.
10 - I am a wimpy, scary, fraidy cat and I spend this ENTIRE month on edge. Is someone going to jump out at me? Why do ALL my friends love haunted houses and scary movies? WHEN will it be November 1st!?
11 - I HATE crowds. Passionately.

I had a list of 10 that I really liked, but then I remembered how much I abhor (thanks Shine) crowds and had to tag the last one on in good measure.

So for all you ghoul loving, goblin chasing, scary movie watching fans....enjoy your day. I get the fun in the dress-up, but I can't say I won't be happier on Sunday!!

Happy fracking Halloween everyone :)

Hindsight Observatory

We all know hindsight is 20/20, but I’d like to give my foresight for “next time” a little Lasik surgery. Since I’ve been sporting my singleton status for a while now, I’ve had some time to work on both. I’ve learned valuable lessons on the outskirts. When someone shows you who they are, listen. Learn when to walk away. Pick your battles. And possibly? Spend a little more time observing your relationship with a clear set of eyes.

I recently spent a whole lotta time on a plane. On my flight back from the MIA, I sat next to a married couple. They seemed pleasant. Neither “forgot” anything in their bag as soon as they sat down, both stowed their bags under their respective seats (more importantly NOT under my foot area), and everything was kept in an upright/locked position until the bing.

As we settled into the flight, I observed. If it weren’t for people watching, my life would have a LOT less meaning. Then they began to conversate* and I did my best impression of reading a magazine. All of a sudden I heard her say, “No, really. Tell me what ELSE bothers you about me.” I’m not any kind of relationship expert, but I can tell you THAT conversation wasn’t going anywhere productive.

From my I’m-not-emotionally-involved-so-I-get-to-the-play-the-impartial-third-party stoop, there was a simple solution. You’re on vacation or at the very least, you’ve been given 4 hours of uninterrupted quiet time. Take a deep breath. Think about the situation from the for a bit and determine whether this fight you so desperately need to have, right this moment, is really necessary. Then I found myself thinking, if people spent a little more time observing the situation and a little less time jumping right into epic conversations, wouldn’t we be better off in relationships? I’m great at offering this advice to someone else. I strive to do this in every friendship. But, give me a boyfriend and I pretty much kick that all too mature stoop right out from under me.

I’m ALL for talking about your issues, but you can’t take what you say back. That fight you can’t wait to have? That jab you can’t wait to take? You can’t remove any of the hurt you cause. And you certainly can’t be proud of the way you acted if you take it too far.

What I can promise you from experience is this…

There will be a day, probably not long from now, when the two of you are no longer together. No matter how hot, smart, funny, great you think you are…someone WILL eventually tire of your shiz if you’re a constant (insert derogatory word of choice here). You’ll take this moment to “stand up for yourself” and you’ll rationalize that he KNOWS the desk is “your” area, so why the H does he throw his t-shirts all over your perfect writing desk? Then a few months later you’ll sit down in a quiet apartment to write on your immaculately clean desk and you’ll realize how empty that “perfect” desk looks without his ratty t-shirts. And as you sell the desk, you’ll wish you’d just shut up about your ONE place to write. Because maybe, just maybe? In hindsight? Sitting next to him, snuggled up in your bed WAS the best and most inspiring place to write anyway.

Now, I wasn’t in a healthy relationship. The “learn when to walk away” bit was the important lesson there. But, I’d like to take what I’ve learned in past relationships and as a singleton and make my foresight match my hindsight for once. Maybe THAT is the whole point of growing up? Growing better.

*I make up my own words, a lot. It would be a good idea to embrace it :).

When a Know-It-All really doesn't know Jack.

I never believe I’m wrong. Ever. I know many independent and slightly stubborn women around my age believe the same thing, but I take Know-It-All to an entirely new level. I’ve blamed airlines, websites, entire airports, DVD companies, beer manufacturers, and song writers (stories to come) on my quest to complete the “I’m right, they’re wrong” dance. The problem arises when I go from Know-It-All to I don’t know Jack. And it happens, A LOT.

Last night I hung my fabulous IKEA bedroom curtains in just under an hour. This oddly domestic and productive Sunday is not the norm on Gofahne Road. Let’s just say I’m a few million light years away from being Martha Stewart. I’ve never sewn a button. I’ve somewhat learned to cook, but even that can be sketchy. And until a year ago, I’d NEVER hung a curtain rod in my life. What?! I like natural light!

So at age 27, I hung my very first set of curtains. I was off work enjoying a mini stay-cation at my new house and waiting on the cable/internet gurus to get us connected. Since they told me it was going to take a bit to drill and connect the connector thingies (ok, I missed more than just the domestic lessons), I decided I’d do more than whistle while they worked. The next 2 .5 hours were filled with me spouting profanity at curtain hardware, yelling at an electric drill for not being cordless, and wondering why window dressings were really THAT necessary. I blamed the architects for not thinking to build the window farther from the wall. I blamed the electric drill cord making companies for not giving me the two extra inches I needed (TWSS) so I wouldn’t need an extension cord*. At the end of the project I was frustrated, sweaty, and felt nothing like a domestic goddess. But it was complete and I was proud I’d gotten it all done on my own.

Fast forward to the evening and you find my roommate, my bestie and me sitting on the back patio drinking box wine. It was a celebration, or Tuesday (the lines sometimes blur with the three of us). I tell my story of problem solving and domestic prowess between glasses, but at the end of my story I see a look of shock on both of their faces. Of course I think, I know you all wish you could be this good…we’ll get to your room next. But Nads, in her awesome best friend-ness then asks, “April, why didn’t you just screw off the ends of the curtain rod?” Me, “The ends don’t screw off. What the H are you talking about?” Nads and the roomie in unison, “Ummm, we’re pretty sure the ends of ALL curtain rods screw off.” I explain to both of them that while they probably buy fancy curtain rods with magical removable ends, I was thrifty (read: cheap) and my half price rod did not have such a fancy perk. I’d made the most of the situation and I’d thank both of them to acknowledge my genius! So they did (actually they didn’t, but they’re both MUCH smarter than me and they don’t feel the need to prove anything to me while drinking box wine). I went inside a little later to refill our glasses with the surprisingly tasty box wine and decide to prove my point. Note: my window was the patio window, so they were sitting right outside my room. I step onto my always available step ladder and admire my handy work as I reach for the end of the rod.

ALL curtain rod ends DO in fact screw off for ease of use!

I yelled something along the lines of “Mother Eff” accompanied with, “I’ll be damned” as I hear two simultaneous thuds on the porch and endless shrieking laughter. I’d actually caused my friends to ROFLTAO.

So, life lessons learned? All curtain rods do in fact unscrew for your convenience. Electric drill companies make shorter cords so they’ll fit in the toolbox properly, so buy an extension cord. Cable/Internet gurus will probably make excuses to stay longer to “work on the internet” so they can watch the white girl try to hang a curtain rod. AND if something seems incredibly difficult or you begin yelling at inanimate objects, there is a VERY strong chance the Know-It-All you pride yourself to be? Really doesn’t know Jack.

*Imagine the scene from “Back to the Future” when Doc is trying to connect the cord to the clock tower unsuccessfully and you’ll have a pretty good picture of what happens when you try to use a surge protector as an extension cord.

You haven't had a bad date until a pork chop becomes a loofah...

I've heard about LOTS of bad dates. I even thought I'd been on my worst date years ago, because really who has HORRIBLE dates at my age? Well, I was wrong...dead wrong. I take FULL responsibility for not heeding the warning signs. But, this my friends is what happens when a pork chop becomes a loofah!

I met a guy online. For the most part the online thing has been a success, but THIS guy was "different". I talked to him a lot and he was ALL about me from the word hello. Red flag #842 that I chose to completely ignore. He'd led a hard life and really straightened himself out, so it seemed, and he entertained me. So, I gave it a shot. He wanted a full on date (like he had a theme prepared), I said..."Let's just grab a beer." Thank God for that! There is no way to type this story and do it any justice, so I'm just going to use bullet points to help me. Before you ask, no I'm not exaggerating and yes this really did happen. It's long, but I PROMISE it's worth it!

- He picks the WORST bar in Dallas. Horrible, shady, awful place.
I gave him the bar choice since he allowed me to just have a beer rather than go on his super themed date.

- We meet and he is wearing skinny jeans. Yes, SKINNY jeans on a 6'2" man. Tight, faded black, and a wallet with a chain.
Seriously, I would have just turned around if we weren't the only two people in the bar. I'm not even slightly into fashion, but really?

- We're there less than 5 minutes when the DJ starts to do a mic check because they have freestyle rap on Mondays (yeah, NOT kidding). This is "his" bar though so he knows they do this. However he freaked out after they said "testing, testing, 123" for the second time and said, "We're leaving. This is ridiculous. I can't believe how loud they are being. We can't talk."
Ok, the fact that he wanted quiet so we could chat is sweet, but it's a BAR. It's going to be louder than a whisper and truthfully the freak out was a bit much.

- We walk outside to go to the bar across the street. He lights up a cigarette (fyi, I don't smoke and he knows I'm not a fan).
Him: "Do you mind if I smoke? Actually it doesn't matter if you mind or not. I thought about not smoking for the 45 minutes, or however long this date lasted, but then I thought Eh, Fuck it."
Me: .... (in my head) Did he JUST have a conversation with himself?

- We get there and the Cowboys game is on at the bar. He hates football. For those of you that don't know me, this is a HUGE issue. However, I knew I was missing the game that night so it was fine. Now this bar has an awesome outdoor patio. It's a beautiful night, he hates football, and he smokes. So where does he choose to sit? Inside. Genius. We are there long enough to order a beer and his food. He starts to calm down (I'm chalking all of this so far up to nerves). As soon as his food arrives, he needs a cigarette and asks me to join his outside. I do and I make the mistake of making coversation.
Me: "So, you said you hadn't really been social in a while. What made you decide to breakout into the online dating world?"
Him: "I DON'T want to talk about it."
Me: .....
Him: "How about you?"
Me: "Well, I haven't dated in a while and I wanted to meet new people, get in some practice talking to men again, and really just get out in the dating world."
Him: "OH."
He stands up and walks back in the bar leaving me on the patio. Alone.
My purse is inside, so I can't just leave. What the hell was that? Is he mad? Seriously?

- So, in schock, I go back inside.
Him: "So what you're saying is, I'm a throw away date? No, no...I totally get it."
(In my head) Hey psycho, it had nothing to do with you or your insecurities. Calm the EFF down.
Me (out loud): "You aren't (I should've said weren't but I was trying to be nice and keep psycho from going all Norman Bates on me). Isn't it really all practice until you find the person you are supposed to be with? Also, I felt like you and I might be looking for different things. That is why I wanted to meet in a casual environment first."
Him: "Well yeah, I knew it was going to take a couple of dates to get you in bed."
No really, he SAID this. Also, I've gone to bitch status on making the sex. I flat out tell them "The sex is not going to happen, this is NOT a challenge. I've done the casual thing and I'm out."
Me: ..... "I told you I wasn't going to sleep with you."
Him: "You all say that, but you don't actually mean it."
Now, for truth's sake, I'll give him this one. Many women throw that out as a challenge and then bend. However, a tip, don't TELL the woman you expected she was lying.
Me: "You picked the wrong girl."

- So, the silent awkwardness begins. He begins to box up his food and is about to drop the box on the floor or himself, so I grab it to steady the to go container for him.
Him: "Don't TOUCH the box. I got this. I'm on a mission."
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?

- We move outside.
Him: "Well, I'm not sleeping with anyone now, so I guess if I don't sleep with you right away either then it's ok. I mean, I'll chop off my penis if you want. Wait, I love my penis. I didn't mean that."
Me: ....
Him: "So where would you like to go next?"
Me: "Ummmm....it's late. You have an early meeting and it's only Monday. I think I'm done."
Him: "OH, so I you're not having a good time? You're ready to LEAVE?"
Me: "Ummm, it doesn't seem like YOU are having a good time."
Him: "No, I'm having a GREAT time. I mean, how bad is it? On a scale of 1-10?"
Me: "I feel answering THAT would be a very bad idea."
Him: "No really. I KNOW I can make this better."
Me: "I don't really think this is something you make better. You give it a shot. It works or it doesn't. No big deal."

- He then takes a piece of pork chop out of his to go box, WIPES IT DOWN MY BARE ARM, and says, "That's right. I just rubbed meat on your arm."
No really folks. THIS happened. I looked around for cameras because really...that did NOT actually happen!

- I wipe the sauce (tasty luckily) off of my arm and sit in shock.
Him: "I guess this is over."
Me: Angered silence
Him: "I can't believe I fucked this up. How did I fuck this up?"
Again, the conversations WITH yourself while on a date. NOT ok. I'm currently planning the escape route to my car and THAT is my only thought.

- We walk across the street to my car. I point at my Trailblazer to indicate that it belongs to me because I can NOT talk at this point.
Him: "Well if you needed any positive affirmation, I'm about to stick this to go box through the broken out window of my ghetto car, so you made the right deicision."
Me: "I'm going home now."

- I drive home in complete and utter shock. What the hell just happened?!!!

To make matters worse, my phone wasn't working so I couldn't call anyone. I almost went to a bar and sat by myself, but I just couldn't take any social interaction at that point. Not even with a bartender. I placed my hands on my head and waited patiently for morning to come so I could share the story with Nads and Shine and make sure they did NOT in fact pull some major prank on me. They didn't. It happened.

And THAT is what happens when a pork chop becomes a loofah. THAT boy was a whole OTHER kind of white meat!!!

Couldda, Wouldda, Shouldda...Did!

Welcome to my world.

Yes, I’ve talked about starting my own blog for a month now. Yes, I looked at Twitter today to find out just how long ago I agreed to write this thing and efficiently wasted an hour reading other posts without remembering to find the date. Yes, I felt this would be a magical first blog post (as in, the genius “powers that be” would find my blog in the haystack, publish me, and I would become instantly famous…and I would totally have sycophants, and I would NEVER take advantage of my new found fame because THAT is just how awesome I am). And, Welcome to my world IS the best opening line I could muster. Hush.

So, let’s try this…Welcome to Gofahne Road.

It’s basically Wisteria Lane, without all the whorish behavior and murder. Maybe. At least not the murder.

Basically, this post is an experiment in my friendships. Lately, my amazing friends (which you will hear about endlessly, they are non-stop blog fodder, get used to it) have decided to ALL hold me accountable for my shiz. I make a comment like, “Wow, I love your blog. I’ve always wanted to write one .” They say, “Quit being an ass and just write it.” Or, “Wow, I can’t believe how cute that guy is. He practically jumped out of my dream man, I never expected book.” To which they say, “Quit being an ass and go talk to him…or I will.” I did mention they were amazing right? Ok, good. Anyway, it’s time to stop talking about all the genius things I couldda, shouldda, wouldda done if I had the time, guts, or ability to stop making excuses for the reasons I’m afraid to try.

So here goes! I’m Gofahne. I feel that being random, klutzy (no really, all I do anymore is fall), making fun of myself, doing/trying anything at least once, and being pretty great at telling a story ARE in fact some of my finest traits. I’m a young lady in the $30k millionaire capital of the U.S., also known as Dallas and I love it. We may not have the beauty of other cities, but we are a melting pot of fabulous-ness. I’m nearing 30 (with my 10 year HS reunion looming) and I’m tired of ALL of my excuses. I’m single, I’ve never been married, I have no children and it’s time to Nike (you know, Just do it!)*.

I think we get one shot to live this life. We may screw it up royally, but if you do it right, you find a few incredible people that say, “Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness.” Or, they might say, “Quit being and ass and…” Either way, if you’re smart, you listen. And, when it fails miserably, you have someone to blame until the end of time. So, Shine, Natalie-tat, JET, JEM and Nads (just to name a few specifically responsible for this post)…I did it, it’s out there, quit asking…and I’m thankful every day for having you in my life!

* I’m sure there is some copyright shiz I should do here, but I don’t know how so let’s all pretend I did, thanks.